its summer...where the night belongs to lust and lovers [entries|friends|calendar] Kate [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

dear love [05 Dec 2005|06:02pm] today me and kevin drove up to moutain creek. it was nice and really beautiful and i love him. i just dont want him to be working all the minutes of the day because ill miss him. we had so much fun together and we decided that we wanted to go to colelge together and we would compromise where we both wanted to go in order to be with each other. he is everything to me and no one can ever ever compare to him. love

i'll be your winter coat [24 Nov 2005|10:04am] [ mood | grateful ] i had the most amazing night last night... baby surprised me and blinded folded he took me to the city... we had an awesome dinner and walked around... we saw the tree and the beautiful lights of times square i loovveeedd every minute of it because we were together and there was no fightin it was just love every single minute of it... i love this boy and cant wait till we can move to the city together and just be cutefaced and happy...then we ended the night perfect...we got to fall asleep together and just love plain and simply i love you kevin adn thanks for everything baby<3 kiss me

<baby3 [07 Nov 2005|08:41pm] [ mood | loved ] [ music | q 104.3 ] we were fightingfaces but now were not so that makes me smile alot... i dont want us to be sadfaces and im glad were not because when were not everything is beyond perfect... you make my life worthwhile and nothing else matters; when im not with you or when were not talkin i get sadfaced... but i love you so much baby and i dont want anything to come between us... no more fights, just love and thanksgiving and christmas time and snowflakes and just plain love...nyc rockafellar center and i promiseface that i wont look ilke an idiot. baby i love you and i dont want to fight no more minutes kjh+kmf-fights=love 2 meant it kiss me

its only you [26 Oct 2005|09:41pm] Dear Love, thank you for being the best person ever, you literally are my whole entire world and nothing matters without you. you know how to make me happy like no one else can ever do. you can make me laugh when i want to cry and brighten up all my days. you know all my thoughts before i say them, and kiss my forehead and my tears away. i feel so content with you and i could never ever feel that way about anyone else. im sorry that i can be a meanface sometimes i really dont mean it...not one smidgen...you dont diserve that ever. you opend up your world to me and i truly feel important and like your world is mine... i feel as comfotable at your house and around your family as i do around my own...i love you love, me 1 meant it kiss me

iloveyouface [22 Oct 2005|11:29am] eipers...my boyfriend loves me more than anything in this world and that makes me happier than you could ever know...i dont want to go to college but sometimes i do but i dont want to leave him because i love him so much<3 k8 loves k8 kiss me

<love3 [18 Oct 2005|06:35am] i love kevin so much, we have the best times together and no one compares...even when we get into fights they barely impact the good times. i just want him to know that i love him and only him so he can be happy and not sadfaced. he is my everything and i just want things to be perfect with us... i love you <duckie3 1 meant it kiss me

ill be the waterwings that save you [10 Oct 2005|09:39pm] theres this boy kevin james, and no one in the entire world compares to him. he makes me so happy when everything in my world is sad and lonely. i can depend on him for anything and everythign and he literally completes me. there has never ever ever been or will be anyone who loves me or who i love half as much as i love this boy or how much he loves me. i know i hurt him and that i messed up in the past but this year has been so perfect and i couldnt have asked for a better start to senior year. everythin he does for me is perfect and he always cares about me and thinks about me...and i always love him even if he doesnt think so sometimes...there will never ever be another boy who i think is cuter, more loveable or who i can snuggle with in my basement on the floor where we swore we loved each other more...i love you kiss me

we must plunge... [16 Aug 2005|11:26am] [ mood | nostalgic ] [ music | bright eyes ] whoah i havent written in this in like over a year... alot has friggen changed and i cant believe that its time for most of us to be seniors which is scaryyy... i mean i def. want to go college and live on my own but im scared to let everyone go... right now im pretty much conent in my life ive grown away from so many people but thats life i mean it makes me sad because in just 3 short years everything in my life has changed...im excited to see what next year and the year after that have to bring...weather i end up in the city or dc i just want to make the best of those yaerse because i feel like my high school years have slipped away... i feel like i grew up so fast i mean i have a job now and i feel almost self suffiecent i just need my liscense and im good to go... i dont want summer to be over because going to school makes everything seem real, i mean in the summer everything is so free and you dont have accept reality but school sets things in stone... i just dont want my teenage years or better yet my life to fly by before i have enjoyed them... well i hope everyone in livejournal world is donig good too and that their summers were awesome xokate kiss me

'come down now,' they'll say [20 Aug 2004|06:37pm] [ mood | hopeful ] [ music | the postal service ] Wow…I really cant believe that summer is like over…it seems like just yesterday that I got outta school and was at Disney…then it was Camden and DC…then that crazy weekend at the shore and lake George and now Italy…I had soo many great times and made soo many memories that could never be replaced...from being poor for those 5 days with our youth group, to the douglas and group sex of DC. I miss those great times with those speacil people and it kills me bc i know that things with them will never ever be the same... I feel like this summer is like my life which is going by way too quickly…there are soo many people that I met this summer and that I’m getting closer and closer to by the day and there are other people that im slowly loosing and that makes me really sad…and I really just don’t want to go back to having my individuality stripped from me at hellish school after I was able to learn so much about my self over the course of the 3 wonderful months i call summer…and im so jealous yet sad at the same time with kare and ange leaving me to go to public schools *tear tear* I will miss you guys A LOT… I was thinking a lot lately and I miss the innocence I once possessed, I feel like these days that I am pretty much grown up…I was in the car with ni and her mom last night and we were just talkin about shit and it came up how like we were so shocked that my sister was growing up and entering 6th grade and her mom was like that is how I feel about you guys and it hit me that im not a little kid anymore…hell I grew up soo much in one summer and I can honestly look back to this point last year and see a total change in myself to the person I am today… and I just thought I would like to share with everyone that you need to cherish your memories and your fun times with the people that you care about because I think we all know how quickly time changes and how you can never ever get a passed moment back I’m leavin in a few days for Italy so if I don’t get to talk to anyone I didn’t fall off the earth…and I hope everyone has a great last 2 weeks of summer xoxox But everything looks perfect from far away..... 2 meant it kiss me

my dad is an asshole [16 Aug 2004|05:04pm] i hate my dad. hes an asshole... i need someone to come steal me. or i need someone to come live with me... the only thing im lookin forward to is Itlay 8 meant it kiss me

if only you were here ... [30 Jul 2004|11:26pm] [ mood | lonely ] [ music | hellogoodbye-dear jamie ] you know when you are surrounded by like 30 people but you still feel ever so alone? yeah well that is me in a nutshell lately...i honestly dont know what is wrong with me -its almost as though i forgot what its like to be happy...i feel like im letting so much of the small shit get to me and thats not right. and i feel like im letting go of myself. I also feel like im loosing touch with eveyone and i feel like eveyone is gonna leave me sooner than later. I want to be a good person and lately i dont feel like im going my best to let my true colors show through...since i dont know how to make myself happy im tryin to make other people happy so that at least somone can benifit from me. who am i? i dont know. none of us do...all i know is that i want to love and be loved...i know that every girl wants a great boy to come through and sweep her off her feet. but this just doesnt happen for me... its like ok here kate this is another trick from God, i get to met like incredible boy and then its funny bc hes like involved with someone else. cool. but like thats not even the problem of love because boys are dumb and teen involvement with the opposite sex is so trival. i am one of the most fickle people you'll ever met so yeah its not like i need a bf this isnt what im whinying about. the thing that is important is me not feeling cared about and the fact taht i dont feel like i am anything speacail and i dont know where my insecurities steam from but i know that when im in a flourishing relationship im not all emoed out...and i dont know why it takes someone to make me feel whole but it does, and i want that feeling of being good enough...make me happy? things would be more magical ... 8 meant it kiss me

in your arms I'm defined [13 Jul 2004|02:03pm] [ mood | crappy ] [ music | brown eyed girl...van morrison ] **this is going to be a whiny entry so do read it if you dont want to hear me bitch** well before i start my rant.. i just want to say karen i love you hxc and he is an asshole and as hard as it is to let go you need too because hes not worth all the hurt and pain...feel better love i really hate guys like not all of them, but most...im so sick of the fucken mind games they play...they way that like they dont have respect for anyone or anything but themselves and their dicks...i hate the way people talk shit about me and say i'm a slut or a cock tease...when i havent done anything more than like make-out with people since the last boyfriend and then that makes me a slut. cool. i'm sick and tired of hearing it all and i dont understand why its so hard for these guys just to treat me like i matter...but most of all i hate the way that i depend on guys even though i am always the one to be screwed over...i think it must be funny or something to see me sad or hurt because it happens enough...and then the one boy that seemed kinda nice and the only boy that things could've worked with has to live in flordia so that is really fucken cool. i hate the way i'm so lonely. yeh i have my friends and then random people to make-out with but they dont fill the void of having someone actaully care...but at the same time i dont know if i can deal with someone actually caring. i do it to myself because i always like the ones that i know will hurt me so just fuck me...and then i get sad and all emo cry in the corner when things go to hell with them...i dont know why i let myself get this but it needs to stop as in now. i want you to want to me i need you to need me i'd love you to love me And I'm nothing more than a line in your book... 3 meant it kiss me

Laced with brilliant smiles and shining eyes and perfect makeup [20 Jun 2004|11:29pm] [ mood | anxious ] [ music | dashboard....places you have come to fear the most ] eip! im leaving tomorrow for dc for awhile then the day i get back im goin to the shore so i wont talk to anyone for awhile so i dont want people to think that i disappeared or anything... summers been pretty good minus the past few days... manda ash and ange just left alil bit ago they came over to see me b4 i left...im nervous im seriously gonna make the biggest ass of myself...and i except people to call my cell so im not alone or text me if its durin the day love you all <3 But you're barely scraping by but you're barely scraping by... kiss me

the waitress is practising politics as the businessmen slowly gets stoned [11 Jun 2004|01:51pm] [ mood | ecstatic ] [ music | swiss army romance - dashboard ] urban challenge: i literally had the most amazing 5 days of my life...i truly changed for the better and i love who i am becoming...i am also so happy to see what i am leavin behind...workin with people who have nothing at all makes you appricate everything till the point of feel guilty...i think that i did make a small difference while i was there...i was able to let my walls down and let the poor change me instead of me tryin to change them...i got close to new people that i <3 alot...im not gonna try to explain what happnened on my lj but if u wanna know ask...its gonna be hard to describe to anyone who wasnt there but still...i love my roomies mel kara and magz, great times in those 4 nights....and i loved my family that was there and i loved playin mommy for everyone and so what if i did "cheat on dad" it was all worth it <33 they're sharing a drink they call loneliness But it's better than drinkin' alone 2 meant it kiss me

The hint of these new tears are sharp I try to hold them back It's useless.... [20 May 2004|07:13pm] [ mood | hopeful ] [ music | dashboard the sharp hint of new tears ] I cant believe this, i only have 4 days of school left...and i think that im gonna miss it...i know that i say "oh i cant wait for summer" or "i hate this place," but in all honesty summer brings out a new person in all of us, most for the better but some people it brings out the worst of them.... im scared to grown up and im scared to be alone. this year seemed like it went by in the blink of an eye. 1/2 oh my highschool life is over and i feel like i just started...i can still remember everything about freshman day, and that first day in homeroom surrounded by all those new people, and im happy to see the incredible friendships that i have made with people in just 2 very short years. but i am also really sad to see how many things and people i have let go of in yet again these 2 short years... As much as I complained about my teacher or the workload its all paying off….I learned so many things, things that “I never will use when I go grown up” but still I learned a lot, no only in school but about life lessons…and even if I forget the formula for surface area of right cones or forget the proper conjugations of Spanish verbs, I know for a fact I will remember the things that I have learned while I was growing up…I cant describe in words what these lessons were, but I know that they shape my life and will continue to mold me into the person I am… i have so many amazing people in my life that i get the privilege of calling my friends but what i loose them too...i know that people drift apart (believe me i know and i think that im doing a pretty ok job of dealing that) or change, or just grow apart and i know that those are the "facts of life" but i dont like them...i mean i am friends with people for who they are and me not being surrounded by them makes me unsure of who i am...i always want to be around to be there for people but i dont think that i do a good job of that and i just want everyone to know no matter how i may act sometimes i love you and i dont mean to offend you or anything like that, i just have a hard time of 1- thinking b4 i speak and 2- thinknig about the consequences for my words... after highschool we have to start our own lives, and i dont know who i am or what i want to do or who i want to become, and it scared to me know that in the same amount of time since frosh year i have to figure out alot of shit for my own life...i want to know what i am supposed to do, like some kids have always had ambitions of being a doctor, or a teacher, and i think that would be a cool calling too, but that isnt what i have dreamed of and it scares me because i havent dreamt of anything... This summer im doing a lot and that means alotta time away from the most important people to me, my friends… I mean im not seeing Amanda for a month and shes my bestest friend and if I don’t get to see my best friend for over a month then like how I am gonna be able to stay close with everyone else?...I mean im doing fun things…Florida may 26 - june, then urban challenge from june 6- 11 then june 19 I leave again till july 2 for this thing in Washington then from july 17-24 im gonna be in maine for the annual camping trip and them ill be home the rest of june and most of aug (for my bday the 7th and warped tour the 8th) then the thing that I am most looking forward too is my 2 week trip to Italy in which I leave aug 23!…ive never been there but I hear it’s the most beautiful place in the world and im so excited to be going there… Just basically case in point I have like 10 people, that are my closest friends that I depend on for everything and like I don’t want to loose sight of them especially my dearest karen, bc by you giong to valley next year its gonna change so much and I am gonna miss the comfort of knowing that you are there for me and just knowing that if I ever needed anything I could just find you and you would be able to make me feel better and no matter how sad/mad I was you would be able to get me to laugh….im not gonna be all dramatic about this bc if you think that you would be happier in valley I don’t want to hold you back bc I want to see you happy…but just know that I will miss you a lot and you mean so very much to me Also the other I was thinking about if I was having a sweet 16 and who to invite and my candles and all that jabbib and while I was there thinking of the most important people in my life I realized that I miss Christina more than I think she realizes and at one point she was other half and now we never ever talk on the phone and like barely talk online and rarely, if ever, hang out…shes busy and extremely happy with Brian and im busy too, and it just makes me want to cry to slowly see our what I once thought was an unbreakable friendship fade…its not like we arent friends at all its just like we are only friends, and I don’t know what going on her life and I try to tell her as much as I can about mine in the short times that I get to talk to her but it doesn’t seem like enough. I think that im gonna be down the shore a lot with ash, well the weekends that I am home at least and like 4th of july and all that crap...her house is in Chadwick and that is like right next to Lavalette, so yeh I cant wait to like surf and go to the surf club and just be at the ocean...everything seems so much better down there like all my inhibitions are gone and I am free to be who I am really am...I feel that at the shore and when I with someone who gets who I am and I mean really understands me (there are barely any) and if I with them looking at the stars something about the ocean and a clear nights sky makes me feel alive and it makes me realize who I am... I am useless against them they are beating me with ease... 4 meant it kiss me

Here's to the nights we felt alive [29 Apr 2004|07:46pm] This whole play is crazy like there is no organization and I am going insane. I have had 5 hours of sleep in the past 2 days and no one shows any appreciation towards my work. Pleasse come and see it its at DP at 7 on fri and sat and on 2 in the afternoon on sun. I have a chem test tomorrow which means I have to teach myself the whole chapter tonight. Whateve man whateve. I hope everything with everyone is ok bc I havent been able to talk to anyone lately let alone spend time with them because I‘ve been with play ppl 24/7…I am really sorry…I havent updated in a really long time but nothing new is really cool in my life….but I get outta school mad early May 26 to be exact and then I leave 4 Florida the 27 and come back the 3nd and then I leave for the urban challenge on the 6th to the 10th ( it’s a part of our youth group and we are going to Camden to help and such) should be fun….ya know when you are so tired you have that hxc headache for like days…well yeh that is what I am going through….I wanna see mean girls. I love you all and I hope to see at my shows <3 Here's to goodbye Tomorrow's gonna come too soon 7 meant it kiss me

a year has past...the seasons go [29 Mar 2004|06:50pm] [ mood | okay ] [ music | you gave your love to me softly- Weezer ] Eip. I haven’t updated in awhile…but nothing is too---new my life is on repeat… I’m pretty content with everything…the play sucks…my friends are great…my family eik! they are just as fucked up as always….wow I just realized that I am whinny and that will stop as in now… and props to Christine for taking the pic that I made into my icon <3...I need to find a cute boy and make him mine…I am soo lonely and I miss being wanted and wanting someone, like the random hook-ups stopped and I its like still sucky and I want to feel fulfillment in my life…tomorrow is the fashion show at my school…and then wed is youth group at DP and then I think on Thurs I’m gonna see the passion so if anyone wants to join lemme know….fri I had Brittany’s sweet 16 and I had the most fun there that I’ve had in awhile…this weekend must be very fun or else I will scream! I needa go shopping hopefully sometime this weekend I can go get some spring/summer clothes…oh yeh today we started honors sexuality and I think its soo funny and mrs k is so dumb and I just always laugh and then those dumb venticians stare me down and its like screw you….and I also did my scheduling for next year I’m taking hn brit lit, hn us 2, hn alg 2, hn ataomy/honors micro, hn adv writing/journalism, hnspan3, bible, and gym…and lemme know if anyone is takin any or all of those classes hopefully I wont get stuck with dumb people again this year…sorry I just realized how arbitrary this entry is but wat can I do?….well I hope that everything with everyone is ok and call or im or leave a comment and let me know how you are and such <3 please just don't play with me my paper heart will bleed 10 meant it kiss me

If i hurt you than I'm sorry.... [10 Mar 2004|08:21pm] [ mood | stressed ] [ music | brian adams - everything i do ] wow i am ready to cry, i am so swamped with everything i cant even take it... i think that my teachers find it absolutly hysterical to make me want to kill myself...i have no idea where all this work is coming from and of course they pick my craziest weekend to dump it on..lovely...i have the retreat this weekend for dp and as soon as i get back from that i have confirmantion, which i might have to miss the beginning if we have play, as soon as we get home... i feel like i am loosing touch with so many people but mostly myself...i dont know what is going on with anything and i am constantly out of it...its 8:25 and i got home at like 415 and have been doing homework since then (i took a few 5 min breaks hehe) and then yesterday i was at the library till 830 and its like whoot my fucken life is passig my by while i am working on damn mass to mass ratios in chemisty that i will never ever use in real life...there is so much out there for me to be doing...i want to expirence more of life and i want to be able to feel acomplished at the end of the day and feel like i have made a differnce, but mostly i want to be happy with me... but i dont feel that way... ...please dont think that this was easy 2 meant it kiss me

[26 Feb 2004|05:22pm] today was a normal day i get home from pratice. put my shit down. walk into the kitchen. i say "hey dad" he goes "hey by the way tonight we have family thearpy at 7:30, dont look like a tramp with your belly out or 8 inches of cleavage"...so now im like wtf, i would go but just ask me before you go and look into a new shrink. i wouldve went but now that im liek being forced im like livid...fuck by theapy i mean me dad and step-mom. to discuss "my issues"....im irate 5 meant it kiss me

When its over... [19 Feb 2004|07:24pm] [ mood | happy ] [ music | s u g a r r a y ] Kate has been so incredibly happy for like no reason what-so-ever, but guess what i am liking it and im totally being optimistic so whoot whoot for me...and we did class scheuldling yesterday(?) and kate is doing smart classes like all honors excpet spanish...eiikk..kinda nevous oh well whatevers its gonna look good on the transcript for college...also ive been chillen with jen laurn maggie kel and d like all the time lately and i love them and then make me smile times ten million...mr stimola is a jerk and an ass but whatevers...no matter how sad i should be im not and its i have no clue where all this happiness is coming from, life is still life yet im beaming and guess what kids, i love it... we got letters from ourselfes that we wrote in the 8th grades and its really weird to see how some things are almost exactly the same but other things are like worlds away...i miss how close i was to sammy, i miss the innoncence the most though...i am completely corrupted and i "grew up way to fast now theres nothing to believe and reruns become our history"...i just want to be a good person and have people think about me and smile and think wow she is really incredible, but i dont think that is how people feel ..thats when i fall in love again 7 meant it kiss me

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